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I want to help you. I know how you can get a brand new Toyota Prius. It’s part of a new plan by my bank, Wells Fargo, to appear to care about the environment.

Wells Fargo is a publicly traded company that has a CEO who earns more than $8 million each year, earning a rating of 139/189 in Forbes’ Performance Vs. Pay ranking. That’s either pretty good or pretty bad. He’s a smart guy, though, so he’s gotta be smart enough to know whether that’s good or bad. Most of us can’t tell. All we know is that we put our money in the bank and the guy who runs the bank is making more each month than we’ll make all year. (Note to self: CEO of bank = good job.)

Anyway, since Wells Fargo is publicly held and therefore beholden only to one group of people (shareholders) when it comes to loyalty (customers are merely a means to an end. take a number!), and since those shareholders tend to look more at earnings and stock values than they do to, say, CO2 levels, it is possible that this offer of a free Toyota Prius is just a cynical ploy. But it’s still a free car as far as you’re concerned.

Like most contests these days, you don’t have to buy anything or sign up for anything, and even though it really looks like you should, it won’t improve your chances at all if you do take out a new checking account or CD or whatever else they want you to consider. All you need to get your free Prius is a little bit of luck and a 3″x5″ card and a pen and a stamp and a daytime number and a nighttime number. (It sounds a little creepy that a bank would want your “nighttime number.” I mean, I only give out my nighttime number to people I really care about. And people that I really want to care about me. But that never works. Dammit.).

Anyway, give my bank your card with your digits, and see if you don’t win a new Toyota Prius. (The Prius is not the solution to all of our problems, by the way. It’s just another way to deliver gasoline to us. Kind of like filter cigarettes. But smoke ’em if you got ’em.)

2. By Mail: To enter via postal mail, send a 3″ x 5″ card with your
name, address, daytime and evening telephone numbers postmarked by
January 2, 2007, to be received no later than January 9, 2007, to:
Wells Fargo Go Green Sweepstakes, 2554 Lincoln Blvd., PMB 1049,
Venice, CA 90291-5082. Only one entry per envelope.

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